3.

Oh, my.. A new month is approaching!
And i's the month I've been waiting for such a long time. In some sense.
It just seems like yesterday, when I was looking into the future anticipaiting being 'legal' forreal.
It seemed so far away, now it's just couple of days to go.
Hmm, what do I really mean by legal?
As in most countries, being 18 is the turning point in one's life. Stepping into the adulthood etc. For many - being independent, having the rights to decide for one's self. blah, blah, blah.
So was I waiting and waiting for that day. But just because I wanted to throw a big party and throw away my fake ID that kept me getting into the clubs for couple of years :) just some kind of formality.
Never knew the pressure coming from the folks 'when you're 18 you can do whatever you want, but for now you must listen to us'. Right or Wrong? I don't know. I'm only sure, I was happy :)

So about turning 21 (ouch, I got mix feelings about that age), I still look at it as some kind of formality.
Again, I can slowly put aside my fake ID that allows me to enter clubs with entries 21+, and If I ever decide to go to the States in my nearest future, I'm allowed to drink. Which isn't an important fact at all.

But since I am obsesses with numbers, ages and so on (new thing about me, huh, stranger!) it's like reaching another goal in life. Those days, when being 12 was sooo grown up! after that 'sweet' 16, then 18, now 21.. I guess next on list is 25, followed by 30..
The problem is I wanted to accomplished some things by the certain ages. Some I did, some I did not.
And it keeps me worried, or actually unsatisfied to know I am still somewhat far from reaching my life goald according to my age.
I'm not going to 'expose' them here and now. Guess it's too personal, and I don't like to remember my 'failures' (for many of my close one's it's not a failure, it's something that's awaiting me in the future, just not quite yet now) But I refer to it as a failure, because those were the things I believed in for so long, something that went deep inside of me, and made me who I am.
And I was damn close to reaching one of the top life goals, when suddenly everything collapsed. Made another one, or two fade aways as well.
That's probably the reason, too, for my dark side of me nowadays :)
But I guess, I just have to live with it for now and be patient.
And moving them or delaying is like cheating yourself (myself).
Maybe there is a reason for why things are happening the way I didn't expect them too. Maybe I'm not ready?

Although, I feel I am. I really am.