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something that bothers me very much recently, besides million of other things of course, (yes, as I loove to complain) is my .. accent. I lost it. Or actually gained a new one that I am totally unhappy with.
And the English efficiency, it's almost as I am starting from the very beginning.

The story goes..
I grew up in an English-speaking house, but in Poland, where Polish became my mother-tongue.
My English was limited to the simple every day English - using it only with my Mom.
In my primary school, somewhere towards the end, it came as a subject. I was always the top student, with the highest grade and I was often excused from taking the final exams or other activities, as the teachers always assumed I will do great.

Middle school, I started off well, but.. many of my classmates got annoyed with me, since I always knew the answer etc, thus they  told me couple of times 'shut up, give others the chance..'
so since then I started to be quiet, stopped doing most of the assessments etc. I actually wanted to come down to the same level as my classmates. Grades went From A+/A to A-/B+. Then more and more average, where by the time I was in highschool I was just average or even facing problems. Embarrassing, BUT I guess I was really traumatized by my experience from middle school (those times were like the test of survival, seriously, middle school in Poland, either you be the bully, or the bullied one)

My English started improving again when I started being with an English-native speaker (or must I say American?)
within few months I've noticed a big change!
Then moving to UK helped me a lot as well.

So until that times, in Europe, people would always tell me I speak with the American accent, as for Americans - they would tell me I have this cute, European accent, or sometimes even British accent.

I always described my English as neutral, something in between. (I had those times when I was about 10 years old that I stared immitating British accent, as I had a British friend)
I started talking in Tagalog as well only about 2 years ago, which gave me the berry punny tanglish accent when speaking with Filipinos :)

Now, living in Malaysia, that's when the real horror started! Lol
At first, I've been told by some of my friends that I have a very good English, many people think that I'm a native speaker and so on. I even have friends who claimed that thanks to talking with me, their English improved!
It's nice to hear that of course!
But for me, where I am surrounded with mostly Chinese people and Malay (regardless to the actual race, it's 1 Malaysia anyway) my accent starts to sound like theirs!

I am not saying their accent is worse, bad etc. ON CONTRARY, I think it's very unique and it makes them special. But yes, THEM, not me.
I already had my own accent, that made me ME in some way.
I know, I adjust myself, into talking slower and in more simple way, just for my friends to understand me better, but I didn't realize (at the beginning) what a big influence it had on me.

Right now, whenever I speak out loud, It's like a torture to me. I hear myself and I can't believe what I'm hearing. My vocabulary? Very, very poor.. I just feel so.. limited! It's like NOT ME!

I know, it's a good thing to be flexible and easly adapt to new enviornments (It reminds me of spending my summers in the South part of Poland, where the accent difers a lil' bit from the Centre, I would always come back home talking like the Southeners), but with my vision of being here in Malaysia for another AT LEAST three years, I'm scared that it will stay somewhere deeply in me.

Help! I don't want that.. I don't want to go to America or anywhere else one day and have someone say " Oh! so you are half Filipina, raised in Poland, lived in UK but speak with a Chinese/Malay accent? funny.."

AGAIN!

IT'S NOTHING BAD!

IT'S JUST NOT ME!



and another thing, I SUCK at immitatin other accents!! (except for Russian, a bit ;])
I can't just suddenly start talking in any accent.

It's only that (un)natural accent that comes out itself.
FRUSTRATING

kay, gotta focus as I am in my psychology class, and I am trying hard not to focus on people's accents and mistakes (I do a loooot of mistakes as well, but like since few months, even my friend started doubting in me.. she is so surprised when she hears errors in my English now) but on the content!

bye for now!